Plunge
by isko
Summary: Yukino POV. Technically a drabble-fic since the dialogue is borrowed from the LN translation... wrote this out of boredom... Yukino is so darn interesting in this latest volume so couldn't help myself. RnR please. This is from chapter 8 btw.


this one-shot is longer than it should be... but mehh... whatever... tried not to make her OOC in this, not sure if I pulled it off... anyways... I hope you yukino fans enjoy this... or somewhat get a kick from it...

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I feel my palms start to sweat as we head towards the line. As I look up at Spride Mt. I couldn't help feeling a little anxious. I was never good with thrill rides. My memories of them have all been less than pleasant. In fact, one might consider them traumatizing. But I won't let that stop me. Fear is, after all, just an emotion. It can be conquered by will.

Besides, I was taking the ride with Yuigaha-san. Her excitement was a welcome distraction. The ride shouldn't be too bad.

We joined the line for now. The rest of the group had already gone before us, I suspect we would be using the fastpass to catch up to them. The line wasn't too long and it seemed to progress smoothly. There weren't that many people around. They were probably at the parade.

**"In any case, we'll go with this until the line stops moving."**

I gave a slight nod of affirmation towards Hikigaya-kun to let him know I understood.

We stayed in line and moved farther than I thought we would. In a short span of time, we were able to cover a lot of ground.

A disturbance ahead of us catches our attention. It looked like a group of high-school students in their uniform were arguing with some people from the line. It seemed like some of the students were trying to cut in.

The staff arrived and immediately took care of the situation. The students were asked to leave and the line continued at its normal pace.

I look at the people at our front and back.

**"It doesn't seem like we can go ahead by saying we have friends waiting for us..."**

**"Right, I'll call one more time..."**

Hikigaya-kun takes out his phone and starts to call Yuigahama. But it doesn't look like there's an answer.

**"And she's not picking up...do you know any of the other guys' contact info?"**

I shake my head no. I never bothered to reacquaint myself with Hayama, as for the others... Hikigaya-kun tries to call Yuigahama but still doesn't get a response. I could already see the curb ahead of us. We were nearing the boarding area. I was starting to get apprehensive...

**"Since we're this far in, it'd be faster to just get on the ride instead of going back. They might be waiting at the exit too."**

I look at my feet and try to quickly compose myself.

**"...I-I suppose so."**

There was a quivver in my voice that I couldn't suppress. And I mentally slap myself.

**"...what's wrong?"**

I concentrate on an image. I am sitting in my room. A good book open on my lap. The smell of tea fills the air. I am at peace.

**"Do you mind if I check something with you?"**

**"What could that be?"**

I looked at him in the eye as I answer him indifferently.

**"Could it be that you're not good at this?"**

He asks me slowly. I hold his gaze for a few heartbeats but I end up looking away first.

**"...it's not that I'm not good at this..."**

I force out a mumble. It annoys me that he can read me so well. Am I that easy? Maybe I should practice in front of a mirror.

**"You really need to say that ahead of time. Let's go back."**

**"I'm fine."**

I answer stubbornly.

**"Well, you're not really good with this though. Right?"**

My mood went sour and I frowned. What was his problem? I wasn't exactly lying...

**"I said I was fine, didn't I?"**

I didn't bother to hide the irritation in my voice.

**"Don't be an idiot. It's not something you need to force yourself with, let alone something to be stubborn about."**

I shiver at his harsh words and I drop my gaze. I couldn't refute his words. They made sense, I didn't really need to force myself. But...

**"...that's not it. I'm fine, really."**

I try to look for words to explain, to make him understand...

**"I wasn't too confident, but when Yuigahama-san was with me, I was fine... that's why, probably, I'll be fine."**

The explanation sounded weak even to my ears. Whether or not he accepts it doesn't matter though. I was determined to go through with it.

**"Well, if you say so..."**

I was relieved to hear him accept my decision. Though a part of me couldn't help but dread what was to come. I kept my head down to make sure he couldn't see my expression.

**"Well, it's basically that. You should just take it easy and ride it. It's not like it's something we'll die from or anything."**

Was he trying to comfort me? How mortifying...

**"I-I suppose you're right."**

I try to keep my voice steady as I take a glance at him. I just really needed to make sure...

**"...we really won't die right?"**

I could see him frown a bit as he watched me.

**"Don't worry. At least not from what I've heard."**

Not exactly what I wanted to hear. What was I expecting anyway? This man...

The line continued forward and I trudged along after him. We eventually made it down the last curve and onto the boarding area.

Our turn had arrived.

Hikigaya-kun went in first. I clenched my fists and followed after him. I took a hold of the handle bars and squeezed hard. I was determined to survive this.

The ride slowly started. I noticed movement on the sides and I saw a ferret like thing of sorts. I could hear music, but I couldn't give it much attention. I was focused on what was in front...

**"Um... we're not going to drop yet, so you'll be fine even if you don't hold the bar."**

Hikigaya-kun's voice breaks into my trance and I stutter out a reply...

**"Y-yes, I, guess so..."**

I slowly let go of the bar and let out a long sigh. I try to regulate my breathing to calm myself down.

**"You're really not good at this huh...?"**

I felt so pathetic. I know he was watching me and I didn't want him to see me like this. I felt really self-conscious as I forced out a smile.

**"Yes, long ago, there was something with nee-san..."**

**"Hm? Aah, your sister huh?"**

Yes. My sister.

I lean back and try to relax. I start to take in the scenery, the frogs and water fountains looked wonderful. The ride's slow pace and ambiance helped me remove a bit of tension. I try to make the best out of it.

Hikigaya-kun was probably worried and not a little curious about my situation. He is pretty considerate after all, as proven by recent events. He was probably trying to comfort or distract me, and I appreciate his efforts. The least I could do was to offer an explanation...

**"It was something back when I was younger. Every time we came to places like this, Nee-san would always act so meddlesome."**

**"I can kind of imagine that."**

I giggled as I recalled how nee-san and I were back then. The times we spent together in theme parks came to mind.

**"Yes. She would shake the ferris wheel, take my hands off the bar on the coasters. And she would do a lot of things while going 'now, now'. There was also that time when she would keep the coffee cup spinning even when I stopped it. Nee-san looked like she was having lots of fun that time too..."**

I keep seeing nee-san's smiling face. She seemed so happy in my memories, laughing and running around. It was odd how I could not feel joy recalling those times.

**"Nee-san was always like that..."**

There was such a huge difference between nee-san and I. She was like the sun and I the moon. She was bright, vibrand, and powerful. Whatever light I gave off was a mere reflection of hers. I was dull in comparison.

Oddly enough, thinking about nee-san also led me to thinking about my companion.

There was something about Hikigaya-kun that was similar to nee-san. A strength or maybe consistency that was present in both of them. At first I thought he and I may have had more in common than at first glance. But I was wrong, there were a lot of contrasts between us, at times we complemented each other, but there were also times of conflict.

We did share a few things, however. We were both loners, outcasts in a way, we relied on ourselves the most and we both tried our best to stay true to ourselves. We were non-conformists. There was a certain respect that we held for each other. And I was beginning to worry if it was still there...

I stiffen up as I start to feel the ride ascend its peak. I feel my heart quickening. And I could hear my pulse beating louder and faster. My thoughts scramble as I feel a bit of panic sink in.

As we reach the peak, the ride suddenly stops. I look at the scenery and my breath is taken away. The cold crisp air tugs at my hair as I gaze on and beyond destiny land. The colorful lights and decoration seemed like a reflection of the stars. It looked as if the heavens and the earth were connected on the horizon.

The fear and horror I was and am about to experience was definitely worth this view.

And I wonder... if I were to face my problems... would I be similarly rewarded?

Hikigaya-kun sought my help. And I have decided to accept his request, and maybe I might even help him find what it was he was yearning for. His wish. Something genuine.

He was on the right path, he was taking responsibility for his actions and moving forward.

Can I do the same? Am I strong enough? Can a little bit of selfishness be forgiven?

**"Hey, Hikigaya-kun."**

**"Hm?"**

I turn to face him. I look into his disgusting dead fish eyes. Eyes that I've come to resent, respect and even admire. And then I smile.

Without hearing nee-san's voice. Without her urging me to let go! Let go! I release my hold on the handle bars and clutch onto Hikigaya's cuffs.

As I feel the ride slowly moving towards its end, I start to feel the back of my eyes burn and my fear constricts my throat.

A feeling of weightlessness comes over me. And I make sure not to lose my grip. Oddly enough. I did not grab for the handle bars, but instead held on. Though no less terrified, I felt safer.

**"Someday, help me, okay?"**

I whisper my wish before the plunge.

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really not happy with the spacing and format, sorry bout that, wrote this fic on my mobile and it looked a lot better there...


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